Contentment

We get spoiled with our new cars, new shoes..fancy clothes..nice houses..microwaves, iphones, and the list goes on…even movies..right at our fingertips.

I was raised in a very poor and disfunctional family with abusive parents and siblings that fled to avoid it. At 11 years old, I had been sexually abused consistantly for 2 years, emotionally abused most of my childhood and moved to a new house or city every 1-1 1/2 years. We had no running water, barely any food, poor living conditions..no electricity and no friends. I was overweight as a child, sad and bullied. That is no joke or exaggeration. But I had God.

How did I find Him? Actually, he found me. I had few books as a child..and had a children’s picture bible. The images in that book told me what He was like. Tracks from my babysitter’s bookshelf told me what He did for me..and He spoke to me plainly as a child. I heard His voice at 3 years old. He was my best friend my whole life.

Humble Christmas TreeNow, I’ve been spoiled somewhat..I’m not a rich woman at all..I have a husband with cancer, no food right now for my kids..no income to speak of..and no money for Christmas. We barely have furniture that is what many call nice..and the artwork on my home walls are from my kids..nothing else. I don’t live in extravegancy..and my car is old and worn out..but my home is clean..and my kids are responsible(9 year old is still learning that one).

But when I start to grumble about my situation, I forget from where I came from. Today..I was reminded of how far I have come, where I came out of..and the abuse I survived. Had a counselor once tell me he had NEVER met someone ever come out of that much abuse and trauma without some form of alcohol or drug addiction. (Never tried them or been drunk in my life)

And you know who I owe it too? My Best Friend..Jesus Christ my Lord and Savior.

I had a Youth pastor once tell me that since I never said the sinners prayer I was not saved. Ok..so I know that God speaking out of the blue to a child at 3 is odd, but that was hugely judgemental. I know I would go to heaven if I died right now. I still hear Him. I have dialog often.

Lately..I have become disgruntled..complacent, depressed..and angry. I had hated my life style..and completely forgotten what I have that so many don’t. I know I’m not alone in my monetary struggles..the poverty level is rising in America. The lack of help for the poor is rising. Government funding for such benevolence programs is dropping..

It’s time to be happy with my humble surroundings..with my humble car..my humble income, my humble furniture..and my sewing machine ;)

It’s time to be happy with a board game while the cable and internet is about to be shut off until next payday. Time to be happy with gifts from the Dollar store from my kids.  Happy with holey boots..at least they don’t leak yet..and they are warm still. I’m happy with my gringy leather coat I have had for 15+ years(and it shows). Happy that my husband is still here..and breathing.

No, we don’t have enough for this week..or Christmas for that matter..but popcorn is a good snack the kids don’t mind eating over and over.. and they don’t mind soup several times a week. I don’t mind drinking protein shakes to save money on groceries.

Seeing the Nutcracker this year would be awesome..but making cookies with a few simple ingredients is way more fun and a whole lot less expensive. No, we can’t go on a sleigh ride like we hoped, but singing carols down our neighborhood street is more fun.

Thank you , Father, for waking me up. Thank you for food today..heat and a home. Thank you for a car, a little gas to drive the kids to school and clothes that still fit for now.

 

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