Trauma often reciprocates co-dependency, especially if not dealt with and proper tools are not set in place and put in motion.
Definition of Co-dependency: a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction); and in broader terms, it refers to the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another. It also often involves placing a lower priority on one's own needs, while being excessively preoccupied with the needs of others. Codependency can occur in any type of relationship, including family, work, friendship, and also romantic, peer or community relationships. Codependency may also be characterized by denial, low self-esteem, excessive compliance, or control patterns.
The term “generational curse” goes deeper than some spiritual oppression that most Christians use it in reference for. When a damaged person does not deal with the inner damage and turmoil, heal and recover, they can in turn, become as the person who traumatized them. Thus the cycle begins and a “generational curse” is passed down.
But when that damaged person, desires healing and proactively seeks it out, getting help where needed from the right counsel, the generational curse starts to break apart. I have seen this evident in my own life. Once I recognized that the control I felt others had over me was really because I was allowing it in the first place, I was able to disarm it within myself. The key, dearest, was in me, not anyone else. I was also able to identify several relationships that were causing me harm and not good.
I had been praying for a long while, for God to help me learn how to be a better friend to my husband. We have not gotten along since the day we got married. It’s been almost 11 years now. And I was ready for change in my own life, my person, my career and my marriage. It’s funny how God allows things into your life that causes a “bread crumb trail” to lead you where he wants you to be; especially when you’re not really listening to his voice at the time.
In my case, he used a swollen thyroid gland in my neck to begin the path of healing in me I’ve been praying for since I was 18 years old. And it rippled into healing for my marriage as well. And the key, was always there. I just didn’t get it. All this time, I had been standing at the well yelling out for water..and it was right smack in front of me. I just had to pick up the bucket.“Your heart can only be in chaos if you are living in the future, in the past, or are doing the opposite of what it tells you to do in the moment.” ~Andrew Van Dyke
Psalm 106:7-43 talks about this as well. But it talks about it with a different perspective. The old maxim, “Those who forget history are bound to repeat it,” was just as true then as it is now. God recounts the Israelites failures not to make they feel bad, but to remind them they are a people who are naturally inclined to sin. God continued dealing with his people even though they continued the cycle of sinning, repenting, trusting, growing complacent and then sinning again. The goal was for them and succeeding generations to learn from their past failures. BUT not dwell on them.
There is a difference in living and dwelling in the past, than there is in using the past as a launch pad for growth in the present and future. If he wanted us to forget our failures, he would not have given us memories. He wanted us to grow and learn and break the sinful cycle.
**Theoretical thought for the Scifi lover: With this all in mind, it can be speculated that if we had it to do all over again,(time machine), we would only repeat the same mistakes. Because we would be prone to sin either way, leading us down the path we are already on. So why regret it, instead, wear your scars with pride and keep pushing forward.